And then there was Prozac

I had never taken anti-depressants before. In fact, two weeks before my emergency appointment, I talked to my doctor about my mental health. I was crying when I told her that we were going back to Belgium after three years. and that I felt very guilty about not being able to be there for my family when they needed me (3 deaths). She knew about my breakdowns and suggested that I would contact her in case I could not cope with everything by myself. That it was not a shame to take medicine for a while. I replied that I worked out a lot and could talk to close friends about my feelings. I wished I had acted differently that day but then again, I am proud of myself for trying my very best...

But... I was just in too much pain! My body was taking a total hit from all my mood changes and panic attacks. My back was hurting and my muscles so tight. I even went to have a back massage just before leaving to Russia because I could not stand the pain anymore. I only had little relief and was just able to be comfortable taking the plane to Russia. I even thought I would never be able to take the plane to Russia and to Belgium and I would never see my family. 

Just before my appointment, I had another one with Julie, to choose all the materials for the new bathroom. I could not sit down anymore, I had to stand and walk around. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt I could have a heart attack any moment. I did this for two hours, I was very nervous all the time and couldn't calm down. After this I thought, NO MORE!

So I drove straight to the doctor and they checked my heart and asked me if I was depressed. I said no. I remember saying that I had panic attacks and mood changes but to the question about depression, I was firm and truly believed I was not depressed.
How could I? Why would I? 

So I started to take Prozac 20 mg/day and knew that I had to wait a month to get the maximum relief. I started to feel better after two weeks. I had less panic attacks.